Deep calls to deep...

"There is meaning in every journey that is unknown to the traveler." Bonhoeffer

As I sit writing and listening to the stilling voice of the ocean, I recollect the ways Hurricane Katrina continues to feed my soul. 10 yrs. The forcefulness of that day spun my heart into a stage of grief that has been navigated in purpose by the Lord. It taught me the deep measures of God's relentless love and the worthy pursuit of the refinement in the time of waiting in the unknown. Thankful for the painful roots of teaching found in these truths-

Even still, He is good.

Tho the sea billows roll, it is well with my soul.

Today, I sit among the calm seas and remember that God's story never ends with ashes.

Grief anchors. Its forceful hand paralyzes the functionality of normal. The loneliness ushered by its neglected approach of community can feed a soul deep lies of oppression. Yet, when the impact is met being deeply called, a miracle happens: Healing occurs.

"Deep calls to deep at the roar of your waterfalls; all your breakers and your waves have gone over me. By day the Lord commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life." Ps 42:7-8

A day marked with collective grief and shattered dreams, I felt the deep roars of every breaker and every wave forcefully crashing over me. It was an unknown turn that completely shifted every direction I was traveling.
Life goals. Community. Investment. Status.
C.S. Lewis said it best as he voiced, "faith is the art of holding onto something, despite the changing moods and circumstances." 10 yrs later and I can look back and see how those turns taught me that I am always tempted to hold onto those same releases in every season. And yet, with each grief that anchors, the journey remains. By day, the Lord commands His steadfast love. Deep keeps calling to deep. And with Him as God of my life, promises are fulfilled in every season.
Healing salves the wounds.

'Deep calls to deep'...vividly, I still remember the impact of grief from Katrina, yet 10 years I can add depths of grief to its breakers and waves. I have witnessed very few live seasons without some type of grief: loss of loved ones, dreams shattered by unfulfilled yearnings, transitions between seasons. Grief ensues from holding onto something that is altered by circumstances. I value being able to say that with each deep need God has met me with his deep grace.

'All your breakers and your waves have gone before me'- Bonhoeffer articulated, "God does not give us everything we want but he does fulfill his promises leading us along the best and straightest paths to himself." As sea billows roll, I am amazed at how perfectly God works to position Himself to go before His loved one. What I have heard voiced the deepest in grief is "I am in deep waters." Some days it can feel like the crash of them will surely drown its victim. Yet, in others, it serves as an anchor keeping one afloat. There have been many deep waters, but God is with me in them all-Always before me, positioning Himself to lead me to His best intended destination.

'By day': Lord commands His steadfast love
'At night': His song is with me.
               A prayer to the God of my life.
Steadfastness has quickly taken root as one of my most loved attributes of My Father. In this world my hope can easily become entangled in desiring others to show up in certain ways. Grief brings a need to replace what was lost, even though nothing could ever compare to its unique treasure. Yet, the enemy awaits in grief to usher loneliness, disappointment and insecurities because emotions of feeling uncared for seep their way into thought and heart. When steadfastness takes root first, then there is no room for hope to remain anywhere else than what's quenching the thirst.
God's ability to show His steadfast love amidst chaos and brokenness remains a continual prayer of gratitude in my heart.

10 years later: Married to a husband who demonstrates His steadfastness. 3 kids who teach me daily of His grace.
Pain from lost loved ones still healing, temptation of heart to hold onto circumstances:
                                         Deep keeps calling to Deep.
                                                            His Steadfast Love Remains.